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Body Swap

I no longer belong residing in here. It has rebelled against me, creating an alien environment that I can no longer tolerate. I ask myself every day, why did it turn against its resident occupier? Why begin to destroy the being it relies on, for food, for warmth, for comfort….

I no longer feel comfortable inside this shell, nor do I feel at home enclosed as I am inside its rebelling interior. I have never loved it, always aware that when compared to others, it was far from perfect. Too skinny all those years ago, with hardly any curves or attractiveness, now misshapen and ugly, covered in bruises, veins that hide and disappear, legs that complain in creaks and groans, hair that is too thin, skin that burns and itches, and now, it has turned against its occupant and rebelled.

Walking along the road, I pass a young woman, sleek and slim with a carefree expression, maybe thinking of her weekend and all the fun she might enjoy in the arms of a lover. She reminds me of how I used to be at that age with not a care in the world, and as we pass one another I mentally jump into her young lithe body and become young and carefree once more.


16 thoughts on “Body Swap

    • Would we ‘swap’ if we could? You bet! But just imagine the youngster and how they would feel suddenly finding themselves inside a broken down shell….

  1. Like they say ‘you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone’ ‘enjoy it while you can’ the sayings go on and on and we hear them when we are young from the lips of those who know yet we wouldn’t have listened or ever thought it would apply to ourself.
    Hope this is just a light blog TG and you are really keeping your spirits up and not down in the doldrums too much.

    • I’m trying my best Anne against it all. Sunday and Monday have been the worse days so far, where I felt really down in the depths. Although I hate blogging about my problems, it does seem to help in a therapeutic way. Off to have a chat about my bruised tummy today with my consultant, see if there’s an alternative.

  2. Swimming in the doldrums comes with the territory I guess. Thank heavens that the young can’t see into the future. Anyhoo, back to the fuschia, I hope you manage to smell something nice today xxx

  3. Hi TG I do hope this turns out well for you after all you have been through. That you don’t need a body swap after all , it’s true though when you are young you just don’t believe you will end up all to pot one day. I wish you well and hope you get sorted out very soon Hugs Sheila

  4. I know just how you are feeling TG, I have pretty much the same thoughts myself, constant pain pretty much knocks everything out of you. I do so hope that you get better news from your consultant, and I am sending healing thoughts and hugs your way. Love Marjie x

    • Thanks Marjie. I am feeling so much brighter now, and I am beginning to do my own injections, the dose has been altered to suit my losing weight. She thinks it may be needed to alter the steroids taken during the chemo and shortly afterwards, as it seems to be my ‘comedown’ from that.

  5. When young we think it will not happen to us.

    No other way to live life i feel.

    I hope you had lots of fun, before the body rebelled.

    • Too late! lol. I’m gonna live it up after the chemo is finished and I feel more myself again. A holiday in Cornwall, (a dream of mine) is definitely on the cards. Live for today for tomorrow may never come!

  6. I’ve kept quiet so far, Sandra, because as somebody once said, `If you’ve nothing to say, don’t say it’. I had a cushy (breast) cancer, but it did me a lot of good, and opened up my take on life. Look forward to the hair growing again, and the holiday in Cornwall.

    • Thanks Bunny for your comment. I agree, there is always some positives to come out of any situation one finds oneself in, ‘living for today’ ‘taking one day at a time’ appreciating every single thing about life’ come to mind.
      We all take life and living for granted I feel, until it might be pulled from under us, then we begin to appreciate it. I will do exactly as you say Bunny!

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